Then know this: The fight was probably NOT about what it seemed to be about
It may sound strange at first.
However, regardless of what you're fighting about relationship conflict can almost always boil down to either you or your partner, or both, not having an important need met. One or both of you may have, for example:
- Not felt loved by the other - Not felt accepted by the other - Not felt supported by the other - Not felt heard and/or acknowledged by the other - Lacked a feeling of autonomy
Fights may seem to be about the dishes, the kids, work schedules, etc. but underneath the surface they are really about a need that is not being met by one or both partners.
Not having your needs met can lead to a range of negative emotions and responses such as anxiety, sadness, fear and anger, which can spiral into unnecessary fights.
Alright, it's one thing to know the cause of conflict. But what be done about it? How can relationship therapy help? In relationship therapy the following will happen:
* You'll identify the real reasons behind your fights and clarify what your needs are as well as those of your partner. * You'll start realizing what your and your partner's needs are, which ones are not being met, and how to change this. * You'll have impactful conversations leading to understanding each other, opening up and connecting on a deeper level. * This process will strengthen your bond and you will learn how to listen and respond more effectively to each other.
And what about those fights? When your bond with your partner is strong and your connection is secure, those fights will simply start fading away...